Of Innapropriate Birthday Gifts
by combativeAdjutor
Summary: England decides to buy America a birthday present this year and it leads to unexpected consequences. This contains yaoi, USUK.


In a dimly lit bar somewhere in the continental United States sat a man with unruly blonde hair, green eyes, and eyebrows that looked as if they would jump off his face at any moment and start terrorizing the country side, or something. He didn't know why he was in the States, especially at that hated time of year; he had just found himself wanting to visit. And so he was sitting, drowning out the sound of bottles clinking and drowning his sorrow with the bottle of beer the bartender had given him. It was only his first bottle; he was still plenty sober, when his phone rang. He answered it without checking the caller ID.

"Hello?" he said.

"IGGY~! Where are you? I called your office but the lady said you were in the States and I've been looking for you everywhere~! Why didn't you tell me you were visiting?" the loud, overly exuberant voice of America shouted out of the phone. England-the person that this man was- had to pull his phone away from his ear to avoid going deaf.

"You git! Since I didn't tell you I obviously don't want to see you!" England yelled into the phone. The bartender sent him a glare and England stood and walked out of the bar-having already paid for his one drink-knowing that it was only a matter of time before America found him there.

"But Iggy~ it's my birthday tomorrow." England could hear America's put through the phone.

"Did you think I didn't know that? And don't call me Iggy!" England replied.

"Did you bring me a present? Is that why you're here! It better not be any of your scones!" America exclaimed through the phone. England scowled, the last thing he planned on doing was buying America a present for his birthday.

"You shouldn't put down a person's cooking just because you can't cook as well as them. I did _not _get you a present, do _not _ask again. Now stop wasting my minutes, bloody wanker!" England hung up.

He sighed; walking down the street, mumbling about how much better America was as a child. He cringed at the lampposts, which were adorned with red white and blue banners, and the store fronts, which boasted pro-American slogans and American flags. Tomorrow was the 4th, and he was ready to hide from the sun and drink until the fairies and Flying Mint Bunny cut him off.

His inner musings stopped when he passed by a window display that caught his eye. He looked at it a moment before entering the store, his mind full of plots; maybe he was going to give America a birthday present anyway.

OoOoOoOoOo

The next morning America got out of bed much earlier than normal. He was excited. It wasn't every day that a person's birthday rolled around; it couldn't always be the fourth of July. Or could it? America decided to ask his boss about it later. He took a quick shower and got dressed, making sure his hair was nicely brushed and his smile was white as ever. He walked out of the house, intending to go to McDonalds for breakfast, when he saw a neatly wrapped present laying on his doorstep.

He smiled; presents are the best part of birthdays, as everyone knows. He was having his party at noon, so they wouldn't have to wait as long for the fireworks to be set off at the nearby park, so he hadn't been expecting a present in the morning, but he shrugged and took the present inside, eager to open it, all thoughts of McDonalds out of his head. He didn't hear the snickering coming from one of the bushes by his door.

He put the gift onto his kitchen table and ripped into the green wrapping paper like any excited, young child would. Once passed the wrapping paper he saw that his gift was a plain white box. There was a note on top.

"_I hope you appreciate this gift" _it read in an elegant script that was familiar but he could not recognize. Maybe this was from a secret admirer? He tossed the note aside and opened the box.

The first thing he saw was a plain blue t-shirt made out of a nice, soft material. He rather liked it, though he didn't understand why someone would give him one for his birthday. Then he saw what was under it. It was a tutu made out of red and blue material with white netting over it. In between the fabric and the netting where red, white, and blue cloth stars. America was shocked at the gift and immediately tried to come up with who had sent him such a thing. His mind narrowed it down to France and Poland until he saw the note again.

That handwriting… he ran up to his hardly used office and looked through the drawers until he found a letter with the same handwriting. It was signed "Arthur Kirkland", England's human name. America's face flushed bright red until a mischievous smile made its way onto his face as well. Two could play this game. He walked back downstairs, grabbed his gift, and went into the bathroom to put it on.

OoOoOoOoOo

England was tired of waiting for some kind of reaction from America. He had been sitting outside in the bushes for the past half an hour expecting…something. But instead, he got nothing. Suddenly, his phone started ringing. He checked the ID, it was America.

"Hello." He said, trying and failing to keep the smugness out of his voice.

"Hey England. Can you come over? I need some help with something." America said. If England had been paying attention, he would have found it odd how formal America was being.

"Why, what happened?" England asked, smiling in delight.

"I need to get payback on someone. I thought you would like to help." America replied. England's smile grew wider, America obviously thought that France had sent the gift and wanted his help to curse him.

"Alright, I will be right there." England said. He hung up and fell onto the ground, laughing at his ingeniousness. Fifteen minutes later, he got up and knocked on America's front door.

"It's open!" he heard America shout. England smirked before composing his face and opening the door. America wasn't in the entry. He wasn't in the kitchen either, England noted a few seconds later, walking past the entry to the kitchen. England walked further into the house until he finally found America in the living room. He was sitting on a chair, wearing the blue shirt and tutu that England had sent him. England just stared, shocked at the right.

"Like what you see?" America asked after a few minutes of England starring at him. England's face flushed bright red.

"I….I…NO!" England stammered. America just smirked and stood up, walking closer to him.

"Really? That's a surprise, coming from the person who sent me this." America said, standing very close to England.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." England said, looking away, looking at anything but America.

"I recognized your handwriting. I'm not _that _stupid Iggy! Why'd you send me this?" America asked.

"I told you not to call me Iggy you bloody—" England was cut off by a pair of lips against his own. His mind was screaming at him to push America away and hit him repeatedly, but he didn't. Instead he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around America's neck. America wrapped his arms around England waste.

Very soon, the kiss turned into more as America's teeth latched onto England's lower lip, biting at it softly. England opened his mouth without a second thought. Their tongues explored each other's mouths and when they separated for air, America picked England up bridal style and carried him to the couch. England sat comfortably on America's lap when their kiss resumed. It was broken a few seconds later when someone turned on the light in the living room.

"Happy Birthday Amer—" Japan's words were cut off when he saw England and America. The other nations were also present and they looked at the two in shock. They took in America's outfit and England's position. England jumped to his feet when France started laughing.

"Hey guys! Did you bring me presents?" America asked since he wasn't able to feel the awkwardness of the situation. The other nations just stared at him even more, since without England his outfit was much more visible to the other guests.

The rest of the day was filled with awkward questions, mostly directed towards England (since America had told them what happened) from France and Prussia. America was just happy that this year, everyone had gotten him good gifts.


End file.
